SSL - Secret Single Lifestyle

I’ve been holding off writing about Secret Single Behaviours (SSB’s circa Sex and the City) because I wasn't able to pinpoint what mine was. But it’s become scarily apparent; I don’t have a secret single behaviour,  I have a secret single lifestyle.

The elements that, cumulatively, create my Secret Single Lifestyle hit me when I was in my car, rubbing my 5-day old leg hair and singing along to "bad" music (also known as 90’s One-Hit-Wonders). I asked myself, is this normal? 
When I got home, I put on my tattered silk robe and began writing a list of my SSL traits:

- staying in a horizontal position

- eating in bed

- watching the same movie 3 or 4 times in a row

- spending 2 hours giving myself a mani/pedi

- triming my split ends 

- talking to my dog 

- taking 20-30 selfies a night 

- pigging out 

It’s no secret that I haven’t had a boyfriend, except a long distance one. That has left plenty of time to develop SSB’s, and since moving out, they've multiplied! 

What you see isn't always what you get.

No wonder I always feel uncomfortable in public… wearing clothes, listening to music (not singing), eating and socializing in an upright position (I prefer horizontal activities *cough* slut).

It’s not just me. Why do you think we’re all so weird when we first start dating someone? We're forced to realize that the things we do alone are actually completely disgusting, annoying, and not socially acceptable. When you see your new lover giving you the stink-eye – it might be because you actually stink, and your SSB of not showering for 3 days is noticeable.

I’ve experienced quite a few SSBs. They range from picking at their toes, burping/farting whenever needed, coming out of the bathroom while flossing (plaque everywhere), popping/picking at pimples, taking up the entire bed, watching porn to get to sleep, chewing with their mouth open, and the list goes on and on. 

I'm sure you have some SSB's of your own. Even if you're not single, you still long to do these things when they leave the house. 

- Eating mayonnaise with a spoon?

- Listening to your favourite Nickleback song?

- Letting out something you've been holding in? See Sleep Farts.

So what happens to your SSBs when you finally find yourself in a relationship?

1. You'll lose them out of necessity, finding SCBs (Secret Couple Behaviours - maybe you both like eating in bed...)

2. Someone, somewhere, will find them endearing (I wore my shower cap in the shower - even when sharing it. He either found it endearing or kept his eyes on the prize...)

3. You wait it out - they won't always be right next to you. Saviour something you hated when you were single - being completely and utterable alone.

I'd love to do a follow up to this post with all of your anonymous secret single behaviours - Email me!

-georgeelizabeth

Twitter: @georgeelizabeth

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