The Birds and the Bees

Now we’ve all heard the horror stories; friend stepped on a wasp nest and her foot was out of commission for over 2 weeks, dad ate a chip with a bee on it and it stung his tongue, man tries to have sex with a wasps nest and dies from substantial stings (maybe you haven’t heard that one – it’s gross) and finally, AFRICANIZED BEES that swarm and kill you, and even worse, your pets that you were unable to save (damn you Discovery Channel).

I’ve heard the horror stories, but what’s worse than the horror stories, is the fear. A bee has never stung me, but I will be the first person to run into oncoming traffic to avoid being in the same vicinity as one. Me avoiding the bee sting is more of an effort (and more dangerous) than actually being stung.

Now I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that the motherly way to talk about sex involves a bee, cause lone and behold, one day you WILL get stung, despite your best efforts. Whether that sting means you were pricked by cupid’s arrow, or that you were mentally scarred from a swarm of unknown deceit.

The funny thing is that the fear of having your heart broken can keep you from living life, and experiencing it, to a degree you’re supposed to. For example: When everyone is sitting on the patio enjoying their fruity drinks during the summer, I’m sat there mapping out an escape route if a bee gets attracted to our liquor filled nectar. My parents even stopped asking me to sit outside with them during the summer months because of the display that would come if my ‘fear’ approached. The display usually involved 3 steps; an announcement of defeat (something like, ‘You win bee! Have my drink’), throwing my napkin down (kinda like throwing in the white flag), and running for the nearest entry.

The same can be said about love. I try my best to avoid it.  You’ve heard the horror stories: friend get’s blindsided and dumped after 3 blissful years, friend falls in love and you never see them again, friend gets cheated on time after time and never knows (or doesn’t want to know). These horror stories aren’t my reality… in fact they are just that, horror stories. And yet I use them to fuel my fear. To avoid my fear of falling in love and getting ‘stung’, I make a bigger scene about not falling in love, than it would be TO fall in love. I date someone for 2,3 or 4 months, it starts to get serious, my fear is in the vicinity, and I do the 3 steps of avoidance; I announce defeat (‘This isn’t working anymore’), throw down the white flag (Here’s your stuff), and head for the nearest exit (never visiting their neighborhood again). But it’s come to my attention that the display, and ongoing avoidance, is more of an effort than allowing myself to fall in love. I might get stung, but maybe once I’ve been stung, I’ll realize it was worth it.

It was worth spending those few blissful months, years, with the person that enhanced my life. It was worth taking that extra sip of margarita before that bee stung my hand.

I guess if you let your avoidance of your fear, become a heavier burden than the actual thing you’re scared of, you technically aren’t living life, you’re spending your life avoiding it.

So go out there and get stung. Slow down (say hi to a someone you like) and smell the flowers (even if a bee lingers by). 

ttfn, Elizabeth

PS. Enjoy Canada long weekend - get stung!

Speed Dating for the Twenty-Somethings

Put away the arrow cupid, you’ll need some heavier artillery.

Twenty-somethings are an exclusive, and elusive, age category. We want everything, as long as we don’t have to leave our comfort zone. That’s probably why there were still last minute tickets available for Rendezvous Club’s '20-28 year olds' speed dating event.

After one too many status updates about my exhilarating single life, aka spinning the stem off my apple to find out the first letter of my future husbands name, a friend of mine suggested I try attending a speed dating event that was taking place that night. I had always been interested in speed dating; based on what I had seen in movies and TV shows it looked like a comical and entertaining experience, so I decided to sign up. I had no idea how speed dating worked; before, during and after, but I do now…

The Breakdown

You will meet 33 eligible bachelors (bachelorettes for the men) and have 3 minutes with each of them. Woman will be sat down as men rotate. If you both put a checkmark beside each others name, you will be emailed the results with your match’s name and email address. See their post-speed dating FAQ here. And the final thing; you are separated by your ages. 23-28, 29-34, 34-40, 40-100? (I’m not sure the final age category…).

What To Wear.

Initially I thought I’ll wear my hottest outfit. The first impression means everything when you only get to speak to people for 3 minutes, but once I started talking with my friends, I was confused as to what to wear. I started anxiously Googling “speed dating attire”, “what to wear to speed dating” etc. I found quite a few articles but the main points were:

1. Wear something tried and tested.
2. Wear something comfortable.
3. Wear something that looks good from the waist up (you’ll be sitting).
4. Wear something that reflects your personality.
5. Wear something that can go from ‘speed dating’ to ‘stand-up socializing’.

How did I interpret these general guidelines?

Pants, peplum and a pair of pointy stilettos.  

Equal parts comfortable, me, and sexy.

When To Arrive.

I was told to be at the door by 7:20pm and I’m not one to be late (intentionally…).

I took a $4 cab, cause my shoes can pinch, and my hair can poof, and arrived just on time. Unfortunately I didn’t forsee the most awkward situation I’ve faced in a long time. There was a lineup outside the door of the venue. I had to walk past every single person I would inevitably ‘date’ an hour from now. What did I do as a typical twentysomething? I put my head down and turned my phone on. Thoughts were running through my head – Why did I go alone? Why did I even do this? If I won’t talk to them now, what makes me think I can talk to them later? Eventually, after 15 dreadful minutes, we were allowed inside.

How It Starts.

I got inside and was directed to my ‘age category’ registration table. They give you a nametag (hair & clothing tended to make these an obstacle to read, leading girls to blatantly point to their chest so guys could make out your name… and your cup size), a Q&A form, a notepad with words of encouragement, and finally, your match list. Oh and a free drink ticket… Naturally the first thing I cashed in was my drink ticket. I found myself alone, in a sea of singles. So what did I do? 

Hiding in the washroom seemed like a viable option… but it wasn’t the point of the evening. So I gravitated towards another girl. We found comfort knowing we were in this together (just when you think girl code is a myth...).

A couple of guys approached us and asked us if we were working on our Q&A form.  I got the feeling that guys wished they had a Q&A form for life; it made approaching so much easier when there was a purpose!

I participated, as we were all equally involved in the evening. 

Questions ranged from 'Have you been on a cruise' to 'Do you have tattoos'. I could give them the answers to numbers 2, 4, 7, 11, and 13 to complete their list. I fell into a bad habit of only providing a person with the numbers, versus engaging in conversation, but it was a good warm up. Can you guess which Q&A questions I could answer? They are at the end of the post.

When The Clock Starts.

The dates began. I was facing the flow, so I could see the next 7 guys I’d be talking to, and at that moment, I think I believed in love at first sight.

I didn’t see anyone that sparked my interest, but I didn’t write them off either. I mean I couldn’t, I HAD to talk to them – that’s the genius of speed dating. 

I met some really amazing people, even if they weren’t for me. I found my nerves subsiding (maybe it was my double gin & soda), and I no longer had to force a smile, it just came out.

There was a break that allowed all the ages to co-mingle and I found myself longing to be back up with the twenty-somethings, when only an hour prior, I was dying to be down with the 30+’s. I thought the break was the opportunity to meet my ‘type’, but realization hit, that I no longer knew my ‘type’. I was just open to the opportunities.

So, should Twenty-Somethings try speedating?

What can be gained for an already social age group?

I determined there are 5 benefits of speed dating for a twenty-something:

1. Not limiting yourself to a perceived 'type'.
2. Learning to make a decision.
3. Finding yourself. Yes, we are all selfish at this age, but are we ourselves?
4. Being honest. I caught myself lying on occasion. I thought the truth wouldn’t fit, but the point is – the truth isn’t always going to fit. The lies ranged from “Oh yeah, Thailand - I'd love to go”, to “I'm 23”. Such simple white lies and yet... I felt that they made an impact.
5. Improving approachability. This event made me realize that being approached is liberating, and being able to approach is exhilarating.

Not every situation in life is like speeddating - clearly, but from walking down the street, to being at a restaurant, I have learned to be present. I lift my head up, put my phone down, and have gone from people watching, to people approaching. Sure, this may wear off; from exhilarating human interaction lighting up my face, to the glare of my iPhone, but I hope I can keep it up. If not, there are always more speed dating events, conferences, meetings and parties. All these places are opportunities to go against your antisocial inhibitions. They are designed to be social, so be it!

I thought cupid would have to put away his single arrow, and pick up an automatic gun for this speed dating experience, but I realized, despite how many people you meet, it still only takes one person to give you butterflies. I guess there are some things that don’t need to modernize. Keep it up cupid!

UPDATES

Thursday June 27th, 2013:

Interesting Speed Dating Conversations... 

There were some pretty interesting conversation topics like:

• The love of archery - this still exists? Cupid's in luck.
• Sisters buying their tickets.
• Being able to meet soo many girls.
• Moving to the states in two weeks to pursue a PHD but thought the commute wouldn't be bad.
• Having nothing to say - literally. 
• How drunk they are - Twenty-Somethings comfort zone, drinking and sex.
• Making you 'guess' the answer to all your questions - we only have 3 minutes buddy!

Thursday June 27th, 2013:

MY Q&A ANSWERS:

2. I've been to Europe.

4. I've been skinny dipping.

7. I know how to play poker.

11. I was born outside Canada.

13. I prefer showers over baths.

Monday June 24th, 2013:
Second date arranged... 

Sunday June 23rd, 2013:
First date with my Speed Dating match. 

Saturday June 22nd, 2013:
Date Arranged.
My match and I have arranged a trial date for tonight! Will keep you updated.

Friday June 21st, 2013:
Received my matches. 
I only picked one guy, out of the potential 33, and remarkably he picked me too! Next step - email each other.

Wednesday June 19th, 2013:
Speed Dating event.

BIG NEWS

Due to the popularity of The Undomesticated's post, "Mirror Selfies Through The Ages", there will be a part 2, "Mirror Selfies Part 2 - Seeing Double", released this Tuesday July 2nd, 2013.

Check out The Undomesticated on Twitter and Facebook to see sneak peeks of the post leading up to release!

Check out the original, "Mirror Selfies Through The Ages", by clicking here.

An Open Letter To Yellow Cab

*Update*
Now featured in HUSH Magazine

Hello Yellow Cab,

I've left a message with your head office and submitted an online comment, but I believe the only way I'll really be heard is by expressing my complaint publicly.

I heart Vancouver, but I don't heart Vancouver's leading cab company, Yellow Cab.

My complaint stems from last night.

- Around 3:45am, I was looking to catch a cab back to my apartment (approx. 10 minute drive from where I was).

- I went outside and waited for a cab to drive by, but when there were none, I called Yellow Cab and they sent one over.

- As soon as I got in, I announced that I will be paying by credit card, and he told me he isn't taking credit. In fact, when I asked if it was just his cab, he said that no cab companies are taking credit. He suggested I make a lengthy detour to get out money from a bank machine, which is not a viable option. I won't be paying for that inconvenience. 

- I decided to hop out, told him I'll find another cab. I had to walk a couple of blocks (I'm a 24 year old woman at 3:45am on Hastings street...) and found another Yellow Cab! 

- I thought I'd take my chances and waved it down. He picked me up and as soon as I got in I said that I will be paying by credit card. I added that I would tip well (because most of your drivers need to hear this to even consider offering decent service), and this time he said 'sure no problem'. That means the initial Yellow Cab driver had simply refused to offer that method of payment.

- We were getting close to my destination and I couldn't find my credit card anywhere, so I just asked him to pull over by a bank machine that was on the way (apologizing that I couldn't find it), but once I went in to get cash, I found my credit card. I came back out and said "Oh I found my credit card" and his response was "This is a waste of my time." 

- I couldn't believe it. I let him know that it cannot possibly be a waste of time when the meter is still running, because the service is still being offered and he is still getting paid.  And then I reiterated that he IS offering a service and he should remember that. 

I have worked in the service industry before, some nights aren't your nights, but when you are on the clock, and you are heckling your customers for an 'easier' method of payment, just to offer the minimum service required, it's ridiculous. He drove me to my destination and I paid the fare (approx. $6 and I still tipped $3 despite my anger).  

Rarely you offer excellent service with cab drivers knowing all the 'short cuts' in town, they know where they are going by simply saying the name of the restaurant or address, and can provide service with a smile and keep a light atmosphere in the car. 

I always do my part - call to book a cab, wait outside, prompt them that I'm paying by credit card, tell them the address, and put on my seatbelt.

The majority of the time, your drivers are just awful. They are short with us, they huff and puff about taking credit, they don't plan a route, and take the longest possible way to the destination. They tailgate closely to other cars, cut them off, don't obey street lights, slam on the their breaks etc.  I have personally been rear ended by a Yellow Cab, twice. 

I seriously suggest you try to turn your service around.  I don't need to be treated that way at the end of my night, or on my way to work, or heading to the airport. I'm paying for a service, not to be made to feel like an inconvenience. 

After sharing my most recent experience with my friends, it's hard to come by one person who is satisfied by the service you're offering. Just because you dominate the industry in Vancouver, doesn't mean dominate their hearts.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth

12 Quick Confidence Tips

Don't like what you wore to work? 

Did you feel rushed on your way out the door? 

Feeling 'blah'?  

Boost your confidence in under a minute with these 12 tips! Do one or do them all...

1. Pucker Up!
Pucker up and apply a fresh coat of lipgloss or lipstick! While you're at it - pop in a piece of gum!






2. Lead With The 'Ladies'.
Sitting at your desk? SIT UP STRAIGHT. Walking down the road? Straighten up! Lead with the 'ladies'...

3. Power Powder.
I don't know about you, but nothing feels worse, or looks worse, than a greasy face. Powder your nose & T-Zone.
A quick touch up does wonders!







4. Be Inspired.
It's nice to know you're not alone. Google your inspiration. Looking at women 'my' size takes the pressure off and inspires me to be the best I can be. 








5. Friends Forever.
Nothing boosts your confidence more than having friends that love you.
Look up a photo & remember the good times!







6. Turn It Up.
Get turnt up and play your favourite song. At work? Put in your head phones and nod along. 







7. Keep It In Check. 
Even if everything on your 'to-do' list will take an overwhelming amount of time, just add a simple task. Do it, and check it off. I LOVE checking things off - hence why I still use a planner!





8. Little Victories.
Whether it was the time you were hit-on at Starbucks, or when you got kudos for a job well done at work, remind yourself of a recent accomplishment!





9. Keep It Clean.
At home? Put away your clothes. 
At the office? Throw away useless papers. 
Out for dinner? Wipe away your spilled drink. 
Feeling confident in your 'space' leaves you feeling confident. Spend no more than a minute doing this!

10. Make Plans!
From grabbing a drink after work to beaching it up on the weekend, plan something you can look forward to!

11. Get UGLY.

Pull the ugliest face you can and SnapChat it to your friend. This helps you realize... it could be worse. 

(And better yet - no photographic evidence!)

12. Find Yourself.

We all have a photo of ourselves that we love. Whether recently or from a decade ago. 

Don't think - "I weighed less" or "I lost that shirt" think - this is me, and I love this me; past, present, and future. 

ttfn, Elizabeth